One Night at a Time
by penpenhooray
Summary: After a disastrous summer break, Remus is caving in on himself. Only Sirius knows that Remus is dealing with guilt from accidentally killing a muggle during the full moon. When Sirius finds Remus missing from his bed in the middle of the night, and an apology note on his bed, he knows he has to find Remus before tragedy strikes. tw:mentions of suicide


_"_ _I killed him, Sirius. I killed him…"_

It had been three weeks since Remus had said those words during a late night confessional, but Sirius still couldn't comprehend the sentence.

Remus…killing…Remus… _killing?_

No.

Never.

But it did.

It had been an accident. Of course it had, Remus would never willingly hurt a living being, human or otherwise. The door to Remus's cellar had rusted hinges, and termites had gotten to the wood during the school year. That, in combination with Remus getting stronger every year, was a recipe for disaster.

Remus's parents had even known he had gotten out until that morning when Remus had burst through the front door, covered in blood and tears.

The man had been a low-level drug dealer growing his product in the woods. He probably wasn't a huge lost to humanity. But that didn't matter to Remus. To him, it wouldn't matter if he killed a serial killer or an innocent child, a life was a life.

It was one of the things Sirius loved about Remus.

But it was also eating away at Remus's soul.

The lycan had been withdrawing from them all lately. No pranks, insisting on going on his monthly rendezvous alone, sleeping away whatever free time he had. His grades were even slipping, which was the least Remus-like thing to do.

Everyone who knew Remus was worried, even if they didn't know why Remus was depressed. And Sirius was distraught thinking about how to help his best friend.

It kept him up at night.

And that was why Sirius knew Remus's bed was empty.

Sirius wasn't sure when Remus would have left his bed; he wasn't even sure if Remus had been in his bed to begin with. Kicking the covers off with a huff, Sirius made his way to Remus's bed.

The bed was made, which normally would make sense for Remus. Unfortunately, Sirius had known that Remus had stopped making his bed shortly after they returned to Hogwarts, lacking the will to keep tidy.

So the made bed was ominous. As was the small note tucked under the pillow.

Sirius took a deep breath, hoping he was simply being paranoid, as he plucked the note from it's place and read it carefully.

 _Tell everyone I_ _'_ _m sorry._

Even if it hadn't been a chilly autumn night, Sirius still would have felt like ice was running through his veins.

 _Remus_ _…_

Before Sirius could succumb to the urge to vomit, he scrambled to James's trunk. Dumping out the miscellaneous items James kept in his trunk, Sirius dug through the junk until he got his hand on their Map.

"I solemnly swear I am up to no good." Sirius whispered, watching the blank parchment carefully.

The ink couldn't spread fast enough. Sirius scanned every visible part of the map, hoping that he could spy Remus. Even after the map completely formed, Sirius couldn't see Remus's name. But he couldn't allow himself to panic, because there was still one place Remus could be.

If there had been anyone doing late night rounds of the halls of Hogwarts, they would have gotten an eyeful of one Sirius Black, clad in nothing but his pajama bottoms as he ran down the hallways, until he ultimately decided that running as Padfoot would be more productive.

Getting through the passageway under the Whomping Willow would have been tricky without Peter there to press the knot that would paralyze the homicidal tree. Of course, as it turned out, Sirius didn't need to paralyze the Willow, as he dove through the opening without so much of a care about the tree.

Oh he hoped Remus was there…

The Shrieking Shack was eerily silent as Sirius made his way through the trap door, though Sirius could hear his heart pounding in his ears.

"Remus?" Sirius whispered after shifting back to human form, "Remus?"

There was no answer, but that wasn't going to stop Sirius, as he made his way up the rickety stairs of the shack, looking for Remus's favorite room (at least it seemed like it was his favorite room, it was always where they woke up after the full moon).

Remus was sitting on the floor of the empty room, his back to Sirius. He was still in his uniform, which told Sirius that his friend had been there most of the night. But that wasn't what caught Sirius's attention. It was the vial in Remus's hand.

"Remus!" Sirius rushed to his friend's side, gripping his shoulders. He grabbed the vial from  
Remus's hand, "Did you take any of this?"

Remus was wide eyed, no doubt shocked by the sudden manhandling. But it was the most life Sirius had seen from Remus in weeks, "Remus, did you take any of the potion?"

After a moment, Remus shook his head, "No…I couldn't do it…"

" _Good!_ _"_ Sirius took the vial and threw it against the wall. The black liquid bubbled and hissed where it came in contact with the wood, and Sirius shuddered to think what it would have done to Remus if he drank it.

Sirius turned back to look at Remus, "What were you thinking?" He panted, his whole body shaking, "Please tell me you weren't going to…"

Remus hung his head, taking a shuddering breath, "I can't do it, Sirius… I can't do it…"

"Do what?"

"I don't deserve to live, I'm a monst-"

"Remus." Sirius forced Remus to look up at him, "If you were about to call yourself a monster, I swear I will find _some_ way to knock some sense into you."

He took a deep breath, knowing that yelling at Remus was not going to help him, "Remus…you are a wonderful person with a gentle soul. You would never wish ill on anyone, no matter what they did to you. What happened this summer…Remus, it was an accident. You did everything you could to keep others safe, but…things happen, Remus."

Sirius couldn't help it any longer, he pulled Remus into a tight hug, "Don't you _ever_ think you don't deserve to live, Remus. You deserve to live twice as much as everyone else here. You deserve to change the world, and don't tell me you won't. You're too brilliant to not change the world."

Remus let out a weak sniffle, slumped against Sirius's body. Sirius held Remus all the tighter.

"Remus, please promise me never again." Sirius whispered, "Don't think you're alone, Remus, you're not. I don't care when or where, if you need to talk, come talk to me. Hell, if you just want a hug, I will give you the best hug I've ever given."

"Will you always be naked?"

Sirius blinked, not actually expecting to hear Remus speak. When the words finally registered with him, Sirius looked down, realizing that he was, indeed, naked.

"Oh…" Sirius blinked, "I must have run out of my pajamas while I was Padfoot…"

"I hope your brother finds them, he's on early morning rounds today." Remus murmured, "Imagine his face…"

Sirius let out a weak snort, hugging Remus tight, "Remus, if me being naked will keep you with us for one more day, I'll never wear clothes again."

Remus didn't reply, but Sirius could feel the werewolf's arms wrap tightly around him. Sure, Remus was still depressed and beating himself up, Sirius wasn't stupid enough to believe that things could be cured that easily.

But they could take things one night at a time. Naked or not.


End file.
